Jane watched as Charlene nipped about a third off and swallowed it.
The table was silent for several seconds as everyone waited on the
outcome.	Finally, Jane could stand it no longer.  "And?"
	Charlene swallowed again.  "I," she started hesitantly, "I guess it
wasn't too bad."
	"Here, try some tuna," Valerie suggested, waving a pink and white
delicacy at her.  "And use the soy sauce, it makes it taste better."

	Charlie sighed.  Apparently, once wasn't going to be enough.  At
least it hadn't been as bad as he feared, though he imagined he could
still feel it waving around inside of him as if it was still-
	*Don't think about it,* he warned himself.  He looked at Valerie's
plate, and saw something that looked like green florist's foam.  "What's
that green lump?" he asked, a little desperate to change the subject.
	"Wasabi," they both said at the same time.  "It's used as a
garnish," Jane added.
	"Let me try some of that," he said.  "Please?"
	Valerie gave him that look, like Are you sure you want to be that
stupid?  "It's kind of hot," she said.
	"I can handle hot," he replied.  After all, he'd eaten raw jalapeno
peppers out of his aunt's garden when he went to visit her, on a dare.
It hadn't been that bad.
	Valerie shrugged, and placed a lump about the size of her thumb on
the bread plate, along with two lumps of what she claimed was tuna.
	When the plate was passed back to Charlie, he thought, *Hey, if I
eat this hot stuff first, I probably won't even taste the fish!*  With
that, he reached down with his fork and got the whole lump of green.
Even up close, it looked like florist's foam, he noticed before he stuck
the fork in his mouth.
	He just caught their expressions of horror before the spikes
concealed inside the wasabi exploded through his tongue, his palate, his
jaw, his throat, and his brain.

	Tucker got up and ran around the table before Charlene could do
more than go "Mm-!"  He grabbed the bread plate up and whispered
fiercely into her ear, "Spit out any that's left!"  A gross-sounding
'ptuh' followed, and Tucker busied himself not looking, instead grabbing
Jane's water glass and digging the ice out of it with his fingers.
"Open your mouth and suck on this, nothing else'll help," he said, and
she gasped and opened her mouth.  Tucker poured the ice in and held her
mouth shut while she made noises like a broken calliope though her nose.

	Jane pinched the bridge of her nose as Valerie ministered to the
stricken Charlene.	*Nothing else is going right,* she thought slowly to
herself.	*Why should I have assumed that a 'simple' lunch would stay
simple?*
	Valerie slowly let go of Charlene's jaw, and there was a moment of
relative peace before Charlene snarled, "You tried to KILL me!" and lept
up and began to choke Valerie.

	Tucker was a little surprised that she was blaming him for her
stupid mistake, but not too much.	He did have a psychotic sister, after
all.
	So when she grabbed his throat, it only took an instant for him to
remember to slide his arms in between hers and break her hold, and then
it was only an instant after that until Tucker gave her a nice, solid
punch in the solar plexus, which calmed her down quite a lot.  He shoved
her back in her chair, and danced over to his before Jane could yell at
him for 'unnecessary roughness'.

	*I could have stayed in business,* Jane thought.	*I could be
travelling all over Europe and the rest of the world, living my life as
I pleased, responsible to no one but my clients and myself, but no, I
had to have this clever idea about training young men in trouble, and do
that instead.	'Make a difference,' indeed!*

	Charlie was concentrating on breathing, which had suddenly stopped,
to the exclusion of all else.  When his nervous system finally got
itself back in order, the first thing he saw was that little bitch
sitting across the table from him like nothing was wrong.
	And the first thing he felt was Jane's arm restraining him, and the
first thing he heard was Jane promising that if he so much as moved he
would be shipped to the military school of his nightmares dressed in
exactly what he was wearing now.
	It was amazing, he reflected as he panted, trying to make up for
half a minute of not breathing at all, how well Jane could control his
temper, even when he couldn't.

	"Valerie," Jane said in this low tone that nonetheless made the
hair at the back of his neck stand up, with just the one word, "I will
NOT tolerate this sort of behaviour from EITHER of you any more."
	"It wasn't my fault she ate the whole lump!" Tucker protested,
feeling like he was being blamed for it.  "I TOLD her it was hot!  And
then SHE tried to STRANGLE me!"
	"You little-" started Charlene, but one glance from Jane shut her
up and made her go pale.  *Wonder what the witch has on HER,* Tucker
thought before Jane turned her fusion-powered glare back on him.

	After a short, sharp lecture that apparently had both children
shivering in dread, there was silence - a long, blessedly QUIET silence
- for several minutes.  All of them eventually resumed eating, though
Charlene would no longer look in Valerie's direction at all.  And
Valerie, for once, was not attempting to bait Charlene either.
	Finally, Jane attempted a conversational sally.  "Valerie," she
said, and found it amusing when the girl flinched as though she'd been
struck, "I noticed that one of your, 'friends'..."  *Interesting how she
blushes so easily on certain topics,* she noted, "... was deaf, and yet
you knew enough sign language to communicate with her.  Where did you
learn to 'speak' with such fluency?"
	Valerie sighed and stared at a piece of cuttlefish.  "Well, um,
when I was little, it took me forever to learn to talk, I mean, like I
was four and still babbling, like a baby does you know?"
	Jane nodded, resolving that speech and diction lessons were going
to be of primary importance in the future.  Assuming that she didn't
carry through on the threat and actually ship Valerie back home before
Jane collapsed into a nervous breakdown.
	"Anyway," continued Valerie, "when even my parents couldn't
understand me, they took me to a child specialist or something, and SHE
couldn't understand me either, so they put me in this special speech
class when I was four, to try and teach me how to talk.  So, I was
around deaf kids and kids with hearing problems and all that, so I
learned sign language before I really learned how to talk, out loud, I
mean, because the other kids and the teachers all knew it, and it made
more sense for some reason.  And I always kept up on it, because my best
friend Mike, I met him in first grade, he learned how to do ASL to talk
to me-"
	"ASL?" Jane inquired.
	"American Sign Language," Valerie explained.  "Anyway, we sign back
and forth a lot, and I run into some of my old classmates from back then
once in a while too, so I keep up with it.  It's not that hard," she
said dismissively, "the only problem is sometimes if I'm signing for a
while, I forget to talk to other people after that for a little bit."

	Charlie had made the mistake of looking up at Valerie as she was
talking, and the thing that had caught the entirety of her conscious
attention was the piece of what could only be an OCTOPUS TENTACLE she
was holding in her chopsticks.
	And then she'd EATEN it.
	He spent the rest of the conversation trying desperately not to
throw up.

	Jane signed the bill and placed her copy carefully in the
compartment of her wallet that she reserved for her accounting.	"Well,
girls," she smiled, "are we ready to go?"  There was a chorus of assent,
so Jane pushed her chair back and led the procession towards the women's
room.
	As they passed the entryway, Jane heard Charlene ask, in a panicked
whisper, "Where're we going?!"
	Valerie replied, "Duh, girl's room.  We ate, so we've gotta go fix
the makeup."  She snorted.  "If we were on a date," she said, the smile
evident even though Jane couldn't see Valerie's face, "then we'd hang
out in there and say the worst things about the guys, but we're not.
Amen."
	"Amen," agreed a shaky-sounding Charlene.  Then, both of them fell
silent.  *Ah," Jane thought with satisfaction, *the little darlings
must've figured out that I could hear them, and that they shouldn't
discuss their worst fears around me.*  She had to fight down a mad
giggle.

	*Bugger,* thought Tucker.  *Just what I need, another man in my
life.  As if Travis wasn't bad enough...*  He didn't even want to think
about him, really.	Or Jack either.
	On the other hand, the years of rejections he'd received had given
him almost a catalog of how girls tell boys they aren't interested and
to go away.  *Maybe I could puke on whoever she picks,* he thought.  It
had worked on him; it should work on anyone.

	*OH, God, please don't let her think it's a good idea,* prayed
Charlie as he went into the women's room behind the other two.  *Please,
God, I'm trying to be good...*

	Tucker waited until Jane was in one of the stalls before he pulled
out the other lipstick - the one he'd bought on his 'outing' this
morning - and wiped the old, simple stuff off before putting the new on.
	As he smoothed it around by mushing his lips, he thought it
definitely looked better with the hair and his complexion than that pale
pink stuff.  *Needs some eyeliner, though,* he realized.  He
experimentally finger-combed the black portion of his hair over one eye,
and nodded at the mirror in satisfaction.  "Hey," he asked Charlene,
pointing at her purse, "you got any bobby pins in there?  Or hairspray
or something?"

	Charlie kept his grin to himself.	He had to admit, the little tart
had timed it almost perfectly, dashing into a stall herself just before
Jane had come out of hers.
	"You look fetching," Jane had commmented as she did the same thing
in the mirror that the two of them had already done.  Not to mention
every other woman in the damned place.	Charlie was wondering if his
heart would ever recover from today already.  Just what he DIDN'T need
was to be on display in a damned woman's bathroom while the local
royalty - or the female half, anyway - paraded through and looked at him
as they passed.  EVERY SINGLE one of them.
	He dawdled as long as he could, but he'd run out of things to do
short of wiping all of his makeup off and redoing it, when Valerie
finally flushed, and a few later came out of the stall.
	Jane almost hiccupped when she turned around and saw Valerie, her
makeup and hair redone in such a way as to make her look like a cross
between an MTV video-babe and a debutante.
	Valerie said in a too-casual tone, "Groovy," and tossed her hair so
that it swung away from her left eye for a moment.
	Charlie would have sworn that there was a burst of steam from
Jane's ears at that point, but all she said was, "Then come along,
girls."

	Tucker sighed as they all got into the car and drove off.  The
sushi was pretty good, the lectures had died down after a while - though
his back hurt from 'sitting up straight' for the entire meal - and the
full belly he was lugging around was enough, when combined with the road
noise, to lull him quickly into a deep sleep.

	Jane had decided, apparently, to discuss Charlie's temper with him
when the little brat had passed out in the back seat.	He still couldn't
look at her without feeling faintly sick.
	Jane had had to admit that wasabi was not something that could be
contained by mortal will, although she had mortified Charlie by
reminding him that they had BOTH tried to warn him before he ate the
whole lump.  "There is a reason," she'd said, "why I called it a
'garnish,' Charlene.  Now, perhaps, you will listen a little closer next
time?"
	She always had to turn whatever it was into some sort of damned
lesson.
	But, things had gotten calmer, and while Jane had thought about
taking them shopping, she had given the idea up when they had stopped at
a light and heard faint snoring from the back seat.  *If she's not
waking up when the car stops,* Charlie figured, *it'll be more trouble
than it's worth to wake the little bitch up to go in a store.*  Jane
had, for once, agreed with him.
	The conversation had been relatively pleasant after that.  Jane
couldn't do her usual quizzing on the current events, since neither of
them had had the opportunity to check today's paper, but she went over
the events of the last few days, which luckily Charlie had been able to
scan.  He felt extremely relieved as the minutes and miles passed
without Jane being able to stump him or make him appear at a loss, even
when he had no idea of what the 'deeper implications' of this or that
were.
	It was when they were finally pulling into Jane's driveway that
Valerie started to move around.  "Finally," Charlie muttered to himself.
	Jane caught it, as she caught everything that happened within
twenty feet.  "One begins to think that today's events were as tiring
for her as everyone else."  Charlie agreed; a nap would do all sorts of
good for him right now.

	Tucker blinked and wondered where he was as the car he was in
stopped in front of a house.	The woman in the driver's seat turned
around, and it was Jane.  *Oh,* he thought.

	The three of them entered the house, Jane leading because - of
course - she was the only one who could unlock the front door.  As the
door shut, she turned around and mentioned, "Valerie, I need to speak
with you in my study immediately."
	Jane ignored the unsightly smirk that Charlene bestowed upon
Valerie, just as she ignored the heartfelt sigh from Valerie.

	Charlie went up to his room to take a short nap, humming to
himself.	If he was any judge of Jane at all, and he felt he was after
five months, then Valerie was in for a reaming that would make a
pregnancy feel like a walk in the park.
	Just what the little bitch needed, in his opinion.
	And after he woke up, maybe he would go swimming...

	When Jane pointed at her prisoner chair, Tuck started reviewing
his arguments in his head.  They had been through most of this at the
salon, but he was not going to give up on some of the key points now
that they were back in Jane's little castle.  Even if it was not so
little.
	Instead of starting in on Valerie immediately, though, Jane just
sat in her own leather chair and stared out the window.  When she spoke,
it was a question, not a demand.
	"Valerie, what are we going to do with you?" she asked, and she was
either an outstanding actress or there was real sadness in her tone.
	"Huh?" Tucker blurted, then tried to recover, "I mean, excuse me,
ma'am?"
	With that, Jane turned to Valerie and a professional manner seemed
to settle on her shoulders, banishing the sadness and with it any hint
of weakness.  *Here it comes,* he thought.
	She continued brusquely, "I obviously cannot meet my obligations to
your mother, and as your temporary guardian, if you're a runaway."
	Tucker was about to explain his eminently reasonable reasons for
leaving when he did, but before he could say anything Jane lifted a
preemptory hand and waved him to silence.
	"I will agree that tying you down was inappropriate, and I respect
your decision to return," she conceded.  Tucker was more than a little
stunned to hear her admit that much.  "But I cannot take the risk that
you will use something else as justification for a future runaway.  Even
if you fully intend to return, there are too many dangers in the world
that a young lady might encounter for me to take the risk."
	Tucker almost snorted at that.  *It ain't you taking the risks,
lady!*
     She concluded with the air of someone who was making a difficult
decision, and preparing to stick to it, "I'm sorry, but I believe it is
the only responsible decision to send you back to your parents, even
though that will result in jail for you.  At least that will not be my
responsibility."
     "Uh, what?"  Tucker could see the sadness back in her face, but it
was buttressed by a look of tired resolution.  Before she could say
anything more, anything truly final, he decided to try and salvage
something.  He still wasn't sure about the jail thing, but he wanted
that Libretto.  And at some level, he didn't want to fail his parents,
either.  "Waitwaitwait, I mean, hold on a minute!"  Jane's eyebrows
rose.  "You can't just flunk me, toss me out like this!"
	"Indeed?" she challenged.  "And why not?  You have fought me at
every turn, and today you revealed that I basically have no leverage
over you at all.  You could do irreparable harm, not only to myself, but
to everyone that has dealt with me in the past, including all the
previous students."  Tucker wondered, again, what she was doing to
Charlene.
	She continued, "Since I have no effective means of compelling
obedience from you, my training methods will have little effect.
Certainly not enough effect to keep you from jail."
	"Well, um, what if I, uh, tried my best?" offered Tucker.
	"Tried to do what?  My methods are not always pleasant.  If you
withdraw your willingness at the first trial, we would be right back
here again."
	"Maybe if you told me what to expect?"
	"That I cannot do, either.  You must learn to react appropriately,
with manners and deportment that are not prepared in advance for the
challenges you will face but are inherent in your basic attitudes."
	Tucker sighed.  This was beginning to sound like one of his
parents' lectures.  Like the one that got him sent on this stupid trip
in the first place.  Which raised an idea in his mind.  When his Dad had
told Tucker he had to do this, they ended up negotiating a formal
agreement.  Including a nice bribe.  Including the laptop that was still
hidden in his room.
	Hmmm.
	Tucker said, "Um, Jane, suppose we made a more specific agreement.
Like a, a contract or something.  And we set limits, so we can, uh, so
nobody goes too far, like what happened today with Sandy."
	Jane's eyebrows went up again.  "And could I even trust you to keep
such a contract?"
	Tucker found himself standing up and leaning against the desk.  "I.
Keep.  My.  Word."  He forced himself to lean backwards.  "You treat me
like a normal human being, I'll act like a normal human being.  If you
treat me like a prisoner of war, like you have been, then I'll act like
a prisoner of war."  He crossed his arms over his chest, feeling
somewhat defensive like he usually did when he confronted an adult like
this, on adult topics.  "Can I trust YOU, is what I'M wondering."
	The businesswoman's look that appeared in her eyes would have been
pretty intimidating for most guys his age, especially those who were
wearing a dress and makeup, but what it did was make Tucker suddenly
homesick.  For Debbie.  He figured that he could match Jane's negotiating
skills in his sleep after watching Debbie crank up the mojo.  Tucker
supposed there was a bit of that confidence in his face because he saw
some patronizing humor in Jane's as she reached for a legal pad.  *You
may be in for a surprise, lady,* he grinned to himself.

	After Jane had dismissed the recalcitrant Valerie, she thought
about it for perhaps half a second before digging in her desk for two
more aspirin.	*That child...*

	Tucker staggered up towards his room, desperate for sleep.	"I
can't believe I did that," he mumbled to himself as he grabbed on to the
stair railing for dear life.
	Hauling himself up the stairs was an ordeal he'd rather not repeat.
	He'd thought it was rather unfair of Jane to use sleep deprivation
to get him to agree to stay.	He wasn't quite sure, but he had a feeling
that manners and deportment training were not going to be his forte.
	"On the other hand," he mumbled as he tried to punch in the keycode
to his door, "that Libretto sure would be nice.  Oh," he said as he
realized that there was no keypad to punch in a key code because this
wasn't really his room.  "Darnit," he added as he twisted the doorknob
and almost fell in.
	"Must get Libretto.  Must have sleep.  Must..." but by then he had
found the bed, more by chance than planning, and had fallen onto it.

	Jane sipped at a restorative whiskey and soda, while looking out
her parlor window at the grounds.	"Six weeks," she mumbled.  "Six
weeks.  I have to finish everything in six weeks.  Why," she sighed,
"why do I agree to these things?"
	*Because, Jane,* said a voice inside her head, *you are an idiot.*
Jane sighed again, but she had to agree with the voice.  She looked
again at the contract they had both signed.	It may as well have been
signed in blood...

	I, Valerie, agree to the conditions listed below for the duration of
	my stay with Ms. Jane Thompson.  In return for abiding with these
	rules, Ms. Thompson will inform my parents of my willing and
	successful completion of the training provided by her.

	1)  No part of the training will endanger me physically, including
	any unusual hazards resulting from my allergies.

	2)  At no time will any physical restraints be used, except for
	conventional door locks.  Ms. Thompson respects my commitment to
	give my best effort to the training and will not use force.

	3)  Given willingness on my part, the training will be completed
	within no more than six (6) weeks from today.  Nothing required by
	the training will have effects that cannot be reversed at the end
	of the six week period.

	4)  I will obey all lawful commands given by Ms. Thompson, or those
	she directs me to obey, subject to the above restrictions.

	5)  I will receive training in grace and style, especially to
	include language use, as directed by Ms. Thomspson or her appointed
	agents, and will make every effort to reflect this training
	continuously in my actions and words.

	6)  I will display at all times manners and deportment appropriate
	for a young lady in Ms. Thompson's household.

	7)  I will maintain at all times the appearance of a young lady,
	including tasteful use of cosmetics, suitable hairstyles, and
	feminine clothing appropriate for the situations encountered during
	my stay with Ms. Thompson.


	*And on HER terms, yet!*  This was almost unique in her experience.
All but two of her students had come, stayed, and left entirely on
Jane's say-so.  This one was apparently going to be the third.
	*Although, this one seems to have the basics quite well already,*
said the little voice.  *Why IS that?*
	"_I_ don't know," Jane replied.  "Something strange is going on,
though.  That is the one certain thing in this situation."
	*Perhaps it has something to do with all those female friends she
mentioned.  She is quite observant,* she reminded herself, *perhaps
she's simply picked it up by osmosis.*
	*But then,* she argued, *why did his mother agree to send him
HERE?*  The child definitely had no problems relating with young girls
her own age, that had been amply demonstrated.
	Jane took a deep breath and let it out.  "I don't know.  What I DO
know is, I might as well make room for the next student, because if
there is ONE thing I can do, it's teach manners."  And that would hardly
be enough for either Jane OR Charlene.
	She got up to go make some phone calls from the list in her study.

	Charlie dove into the pool, restraining his gasp as he plunged into
the always-colder-than-remembered water.  *My diving's gotten better,*
he thought as he swam underwater towards the other end of the pool.
*Better than nothing, I guess.*  And a swim always took the heat and
fatigue out of the day, even better than a shower, and even if he DID
have to do it in a girl's swimsuit.  *This whole thing is getting
boring,* he realized.  *Or it was, 'til Miss Priss showed up.  Even
today.  I don't know what I was scared of, in the restaurant.*  Besides
sash-i-mi.  And any rational person would be scared of raw animal
anything, these days.
	*I mean,* broadcasting his thoughts as hard as he could to whomever
might be listening, *it's not like I need anything else to scare the
wits out of me.  I just wish I could go home.*  And shave his head.

	The phone rang, and Jane stared at it in irritation for a moment
before she picked it up.  "Hello?
	"Edith!  How are you?" Jane asked.

	Tucker and Mike just about had the aliens on the run, and were
actually chasing THEM for a change, down a dark metal corridor which
looked vaguely familiar to Tucker.  He was a little concerned about
ammo, but the cargo pockets on the fatigue pants held just TONS of
magazines, and the bandoleers over the tank top had a bunch of grenades,
too.  Mike had scoffed at the shirt, but it was what he'd had on, and it
wasn't like he could take time to change.

	"See you then, yes.  Good bye."

	Tucker had just realized where the hell they were - the Death
Star - when the bunch of aliens took a right turn and they lost visual
on them.	"Come on!" screamed Mike, and Tucker chased after them, but
far too quickly he was on a bridge over a chasm which looked way too
familiar, and then one of the aliens slapped at the bridge controls and
the bridge retracted and while Mike blew the last cluster of them away
it was too late for either of them and they started to fall-
	"AHHHHah ah ah ah ah," Tuck panted, staring at the frilly stuff on
the walls and wondering what the hell kind of room he was in.  *This is
not Imperial standard decor,* he thought to himself as he looked around
for his rifle as well as acid holes.
	Finally, memory floated back up, and he slumped back on the bed.
"'M gonna kill Mike AND his VCR," he resolved.  "AFTER I change."  He
looked at his watch - five o'clock - and decided that he had plenty of
time to get a little 'blading in.  Now that he had blades.
	But first, he had to get out of this stupid dress.

	Charlie was feeling a bit waterlogged after two hours swimming, as
well as a little warm on the skin.  *I'll have to remember to ask Marie
to get some sunscreen when she goes into town the next time.*

	Tucker had finally mastered the concept of the reversal on 'blades.
*Yes,* he thought, feeling rather pleased with himself.  He swirled
around in a tight turn and was doing quite well until he hit a large
pebble and collapsed.  *Well, that's why we wear pads,* he reminded
himself.

	Marie looked into Valerie's room, and found no Valerie.  Just the
dress that she had worn earlier - carefully hung up - and the
accessories to go with it.
	She sighed.  *I knew this was going to happen,* she thought to
herself as she went to go tell Jane.

	Tucker dug into his satchel for the canteen.  This 'blading was
extremely thirsty-making work.  *Wonder if I should have picked up some
powdered Gatorade or something at the store,* he mused as he drank
deeply.

	Charlie paused in his dressing when the knock came at his door.
"Yes?" he asked.
	Jane came in without really waiting for an invitation, as usual.
"Have you seen Valerie recently?" she asked, without preamble.
	Charlie sighed.  "Not again?"

	Tucker was trying to balance on one leg while coasting backwards
when he heard the car pull into Jane's driveway.  He put his other leg
down, noting idly that he'd managed to do so without crashing, and
thought for about half a second as he slowly trundled along in reverse.
Finally, he decided, *Nah, best not to be seen,* and accelerated
backwards towards the garage, which was out of line-of-sight of the
front door.  He reversed once, to check the terrain in front of him,
then reversed again to check the car.  *Cadillac,* he sighed.  *Wonder
if it's one of those guys from lunch come to buy Charlene.*
	*Nah,* he decided, *she's not worth buying.  Besides, if it was one
of the REALLY rich, they'd either have a limo or a Mercedes.  Maybe it's
her dad or something.*  He stopped when he was out of sight, and
reversed around again so he could brake to a stop, then gently hobble
across some grass to look through a bush.
	As the elegantly dressed woman got out of the car, he revised his
opinion.	*It's either one of Jane's friends or Charlene's mother.
Wonder what's up?*

	Jane was massaging her temples gently, wondering if she could
actually go blind from a headache, when the doorbell rang.	"Oh, Lord,"
she moaned, "it's Edith White."
	Charlene blanched.

	Tucker was now confining his practice to the area around the garage
and hoping that no one would come out for a while.  He was really
getting into the 'blading thing.  *Now I begin to understand,* he
thought in a pretentious mental voice, *the ancient secrets of balance
in motion.  Sensei would be proud.*
	He tried two reversals in a row, and ended up skidding for a foot
or so on his knee and elbow pads.	*Then again, maybe not.*  He sighed,
and readied himself to scramble back upright - a simple action made much
more perilous by the almost-frictionless wheels on his feet - when a
sharp pain in his abdomen reminded him that it was almost time for
dinner.
	"Food would go well," he decided as he got back to his feet, more
or less.	"Wonder what Marie's fixing tonight?  And, the most important
question, what's for dessert?"

	Jane was doing her best to be gracious to Edith, while trying not
to show how worried she was about Valerie.  *She almost certainly has to
be around here somewhere,* she thought.  *I just wish I knew-*
	"Jane?" Edith asked, a note of concern in her voice.
	Jane was about to reply when she heard the front door open.  "I'm
sorry, Edith, would you excuse me for a moment?"  There was only one
person not already in the house who would have come in the front door
without knocking-
	Valerie zoomed into the doorway and skidded to a stop before she
ran over the rug.  "Hey, whastup?" she asked innocently.
	Edith White, unfortunately, was a romantic who dreamed of what was
in her mind a happier time, when girls were beautiful and gracious, and
boys were gallant and handsome.  Jane knew better, but put up with
Edith's delusions for her own purposes.
	Edith White was also the kind of person who disliked, in the
extreme, evidence that the world was not as she wished it.	And now, in
front of her, was an example of the worst of modern reality.  Valerie
was not only not gracious, but was wearing the sort of clothes that made
Edith babble about the propriety of girls going around in their
underwear.  For hours.  And nobody could really look beautiful after
whatever Valerie had been doing - mostly sweating, Jane observed, though
there was plenty of grime on her too.

	Tucker was smiling nicely at everyone, but Jane's expression of
horror alerted him that something was extremely wrong.  As her face
darkened in anger, he decided a strategic retreat was in order.	"Oh,
sorry, didn't mean to interrupt," he babbled, "but I think I'm gonna go
clean up before dinner.	See ya!"  And with that he took off for the
stairs, trying to remember what Trish had said about going up stairs.

	Charlie's burbling "Excuse me" had gone unnoticed as Edith spooled
up at the same time Jane was trying to get her to calm down.  In the
confusion, he slipped out of the parlor and all the way to the French
doors and outside to the pool where he could, finally, let go of the
insane laughter that he'd been struggling to hold in since Valerie's
appearance.

	Tucker was enjoying the hot water bashing the sweat and pain off
his body when he heard the bathroom door open.  He yanked the shower
curtain around his body and peeked out.
	It was Charlene.  "What the-"
	"Shut up for a second," she said urgently.  "This is IMPORTANT."
She sounded for real to Tucker, which is why he didn't pitch a bitch
immediately.
	That, and the fact he was completely naked, and he'd have to be
completely naked in front of a cute girl if he moved.
	She continued, "Listen, whatever else you think or whatever, Edith
is gonna rag on Jane, which is gonna piss her off, and I think she's
about had it with you today.	If you don't want to get shipped off to
wherever, back home, you'd BETTER be like on your BEST good-girl
behaviour while Edith's here, okay?  She HATES guys and anything that
happened after the 50's or something.  Maybe even the EIGHTEEN fifties.
So you'd better come downstairs, dressed to kill, and lay it on thick,
okay?"
	"Wh-  Why are you telling me this?" Tucker asked.  Of course he was
suspicious.  She had her mouth open - that was the best indicator that
she was lying.
	"BEcause," she started to scream before she got herself under
control, "you fuckhead, if YOU get tossed out of here, Jane is STILL
gonna be pissed, and I'M gonna be left here with a pissed-off Jane."
	After a second, Tucker replied, "Ahhh."  That made all sorts of
sense.  "Okay, thanks, I'll be good."
	They looked at each other for a minute.
	"Now get the hell out of here!" Tucker suggested.

	Charlie shut the door to Valerie's room, and sighed, leaning
against the closed door.  *What a close one,* he breathed to himself.
He hadn't been kidding when he told the little dork what he was afraid
of.	And Valerie was about as close to getting 'expelled' as he could
imagine.
	He just felt extremely lucky that he'd thought of it before Jane
had caught up with Valerie.
	On the other hand, could she trust the little dork to pick the
right KIND of dress to satisfy Mrs. White?  *Oh, shit,* he thought
desperately, and opened the door to go dig in Valerie's closet for
something suitable.

	Tucker rushed - he had to - but he was about as well-dressed as he
could manage.	*Jesus, I hope it's good enough,* he thought as he stared
at himself in the mirror.
	The dress he and Charlene had picked was the closest thing he could
think of to appease a lunatic time-warp victim.  It was a deep blue,
almost matching his eyes, and he'd had to add a couple of petticoats to
it to get it to fluff up, but that was fifties if anything was.	Either
this century's or the last, he realized, and grinned.
	The pearls he'd found in the jewelry box on the dresser were just
the thing, too.  At least Jane had thought to give him clips for
earrings.
	The hairband matched, his makeup was good... Done!
	A last urge to do something modern passed, finally, and he turned
around and hurried downstairs.

	Jane had almost ameliorated Edith's rantings when the pounding on
the stairs announced to Jane that at least one of her charges was
arriving.  Edith turned, too, but before she could say anything more,
both of her charges daintily glided in.
	"Mrs. White," Charlene said in her best voice, "may I present
Valerie?	Valerie, this is Mrs. Edith White, a dear friend of Jane's."
Valerie curtsied as if she'd been practicing for a month for this very
occasion.
	There was a pause as the two older women tried to comprehend the
changed demeanor of the two teenagers.
	"I hope you will excuse my earlier appearance, Mrs. White," Valerie
said when a long silence had passed, "but I'm not at my best right after
my daily exercises."
	Jane glanced covertly at Edith, who seemed quite at a loss.
Finally, Jane inserted, "I'm sure she understands, Valerie."  She
couldn't keep from crossing her fingers momentarily.
	Charlene added, "After all, it takes a lot of work to keep our
figures in line when we have Marie cooking for us three times a day."
Charlene and Valerie chuckled politely in unison at her little jest.
	As if Providence had arranged it, or more likely Marie had once
again sensed the cue in the air, her voice announced, "Ladies, dinner is
ready, if you would care to come into the dining room?"

	Marie couldn't help staring a little bit as she served the first
course.  Valerie had left this morning with hair that was a medium
brown... and now it was black, with what looked like a red streak on one
side.  *I wonder why on Earth Jane allowed her to do that to herself,*
she mused.

	Tucker was a little disappointed that Edith had eventually
recovered her wits.  Such as they were.  Because, what was coming out of
her mouth now, was a never-ending stream of compliments, anecdotes, and
stories that told Tucker a sad story of someone who had failed to notice
the last forty years of history.  *Wonder if she ever heard of Sputnik,*
he thought, but declined to ask.  At this point, he figured, the less
noticed he was, the better off he was.	Not that he could avoid being
noticed, apparently, because she seemed to be ricocheting between
Charlene, himself, and Jane in her attentions.
	Tucker concealed his sigh as she said something in a long string
that he vaguely identified as in English, and smiled at him as if she
expected him to be pleased with whatever she'd said.  "Thank you, Mrs.
White," he said gently, forcing a smile on his face, "you're too kind."
	"Nonsense!" Mrs. White countered, and she said some more things
that Tucker tuned out as he turned his attention to the roast beef.
	It was a great dinner, though, Tucker had to admit.  He'd gotten a
little too used to the things his mother could cook in less than an hour
after working all day, but Marie apparently didn't have that time
restriction, and what came out of the kitchen was universally marvelous.
It was almost a shame, he mused, that he had to be the least bit
distracted from appreciation of this wonderful meal by the twit at the
other end of the table from Jane.	And, of course, by concentrating on
table manners so Jane wouldn't have to mention anything to him.
	",...pageant?" Mrs. White said, and Tucker tried to check his
hearing buffer for what she'd been talking about, but came up blank.
Charlene's face, though, told him that it wasn't good.
	"I think that would be a wonderful idea, Edith," Jane said, smiling
in that way that Tucker had already learned to distrust.
	"Pa-" Tucker started to ask, but Charlene kicked him in the shins
and glared at him for one intense instant.  "-ass the butter, please?"
he converted his question into something that wouldn't earn him another
kick.  *Wonder if she has a brother?* he wondered as he ripped a roll
apart.  The kick had almost made him feel at home.

	"May we be excused?" Charlie asked of the two women after dinner.
	"We promised we'd help Marie clear the table," Valerie added.
Charlie thought serously about another kick, but doing it in front of
Jane was too blatant.
	"Of course," Jane smiled, and motioned with her hand.  "Run along,
girls."
	"Thank you Jane," Charlie replied, and curtsied.  He thought he'd
have to whack the ditz, but she picked up the cue and said and did the
same thing before both of them turned and walked daintily out of the
parlor.
	"You twit, why did you-" Charlie started.
	"BEcause, dummy, if we have something to do Jane'll let us go,
otherwise we'll be stuck there having 'polite conversation' with that
alien-abduction case!"  Valerie rolled her eyes at the non-visible Mrs.
White.

	Tucker sighed as he washed dish after dish after dish.  *At least
there was only five of us tonight,* he forced himself to think.	*Way I
thought things were gonna go, I might be cleaning up after fifty.*
	Camp life had never really appealed to him for that very reason.
	Charlene carried in another load, and thought to kick him in the
calf while his back was turned.  "Ur," said Tucker, and flipped some
soapy water over her hair.
	"Hey!" she complained, and turned around like she was contemplating
major physical harm against his person before Marie came back in.
	With more dishes.
	Tucker sighed.

	Everything was cleaned and put up, the garbage disposed of, and
Marie had complimented them on their help before they could finally
scurry off to the relative safety of the second floor.
	"So what was this pageant thing she was talking about?" Valerie
asked from behind him.
	"Weren't you listening?" Charlie sneered as he turned around.
	Valerie was giving her a Boy are YOU stupid look.  "No!" she
snapped, like Charlie had accused her of eating bugs.	"I have better
things to do than listen to nutcases."
	"Well, maybe you should listen, then."
	"So what did she SAY, Charlene?" Valerie asked.
	Charlie sighed, a deep heartfelt breath.  He didn't really want to
think about it either.  "Okay, what she was talking about was some kind
of summer fundraiser festival for something or other.	It doesn't matter
what, we're not gonna be seeing any money."
	"So what do we have to do-"
	"I was getting to that!" he snapped.  And sighed, again.  "We're,
we're gonna be in a parade or something like that.  All dressed up in
some kind of period costume from some time or another; she hadn't picked
when yet."
	"Period women's...." Valerie confirmed despondently, and Charlie
just nodded.  "Oh, great."
	"Yeah.  And THEN, something about a big formal dance.  With us
invited, of course."
	"With guys."
	Charlie hadn't even considered the dating aspect of the whole thing
yet.

	Tucker wanted to slap himself.  *Is any piece of equipment worth
this?* he wondered, far too late, as he reviewed the contract Jane had
written out - using carbon paper! - and made him sign.
	"'Obey all commands'... shit.  '...training in grace and style, to
especially include language use...'  Oh my God, I just signed myself up
for the English class from Hell."
	Things were worse than he'd thought.

	*Phone,* Debbie thought sleepily as she reached over and grabbed it
blindly.	"Nnnn," she started, and swallowed.  "H'lo?"
	"Hey, beautiful," said some guy, and she was going to hang up until
something prompted her to ask, "Is this Mike?"
	"Yep.  Want to talk to Tucker?"
	That brought her awake.	"Huh?  Is he on the phone?  Let me-"
	"No, but he's on the computer live, if you want to talk to him."
	"What do I do?"

	Tucker staggered up to his room as the first rays of dawn were
seeking to pierce his eyeballs and make him scream with agony.  Still,
he was happy.	Sad, because she wasn't here or he wasn't there, but
happy because she still wanted him.

	"So what is he doing?" Kim asked the nearly-comatose Debbie.  They
ignored the children splashing and shrieking in the pool, though both of
them kept a maternal eye half-tuned to Stella.
	"He wouldn't say!" Debbie groused.  "He just said things were kind
of uncertain, and that he might have to bail but he might not."
	"Oooh, informative," Kim mentioned.
	"No, not-"  Debbie finally caught the sarcasm and glared at Kim.
	Kim ignored it.  "So what do we do if he bails?  I mean, if he runs
away again he's gonna be in deep poop."
	Debbie shook her head.  "I dunno.  Maybe his parents could be
convinced to take him back or something.  They SEEMED reasonable..."
Debbie let the speculation hang in the air.	Kim didn't challenge it.

	Tucker screamed as the frat boys threw him into the wood chipper
and one of his feet touched the blades-
	And found himself on a wooden floor, next to a bed, wondering what
the hell was going on.
	"Oh, must be morning," he finally decided.  "Must be why I feel
like shit."

	Charlie was about to knock on Valerie's door, when a solid thummp
announced that she was awake already.  *Still,* he thought, and knocked
on the door anyway.
	Nothing happened.
	He knocked again, and a few moments later was rewarded with a
bloodshot eye staring out from the crack in the door.	"What?" Valerie
asked, her voice sounding full of gravel like she'd had way too late a
night.  She also had rings under her eyes.
	"You might want to get up for breakfast and stay off Jane's shit
list," Charlie mentioned, glancing around for the aforementioned Jane.
	Valerie stared at her for a few moments, then growled, "I don't
think 'want' has anything to do with it."


	Tucker staggered downstairs, having completed the morning makeup as
well as he could when both eyes kept trying to shut on him.
	"Good morning, Valerie," Jane said as the table came into view.
	"Nnnh," he replied, and he was going to leave it at that until he
caught on as to where he was and who he was talking to.  "G'mrn'n, Jn."
He blinked hard at her, which brought her back into focus, and sucked
some more on one of the cokes he'd brought home yesterday.

	Jane watched as Valerie plucked out a scale on the grand piano in
the ballroom.	"Not bad," she replied.  "Now, were you taught how to do
a proper warm-up?"
	"No ma'am," the child replied.  "I was just practicing on my own,
back home."
	"Alright, then, this is what you do."  Jane sat down on the bench
next to Valerie.

	Charlie was staring at the morning's Wall Street Journal with
disgust, as he tried to make sense out of what Jane had asked him at
breakfast.  *Does anyone really care about this?* he wondered.  *Besides
Jane?*
	*Does it really matter?* he asked himself after a few seconds.  Not
here, it didn't.  Jane's opinion was, for the time being, the only one
that really mattered.

	"Valerie, do you know anything about cooking?" Jane asked.
	Tucker snorted.  "Do I know anything about cooking?  I mean, um,"
remembering that he was supposed to be speaking 'in a ladylike fashion,'
which apparently didn't include the sarcasm he was used to.  "I mean,
yes ma'am, some."
	"You need to make that 'some' a complete sentence," Jane corrected.
	Tucker sighed.  "Yes ma'am.  I know something about cooking, I, um,
I suppose?" he guessed.

	Charlie came down to lunch and was a little surprised to find Marie
standing at the table, not bustling in the kitchen.  Until he figured
out what it meant.	"You're not letting HER cook!" burst out of his
mouth before he could stop it.
	Marie shrugged.  "She seems quite adequate, with a little help."
	Charlie groaned, "Oh, no...."
	"What?" Valerie asked as she brought out a large bowl of salad.
	Marie, sounding amused, remarked, "Charlene seems rather upset by
the idea of you fixing lunch today."
	Valerie snorted, then remarked, "Well, if anyone tells you
something is hot, BELIEVE them this time, okay?"

	Kathy sighed.	"So what do you want me to do, Deb?  If he says he
can handle it-"
	"He's not sure," Debbie interrupted.
	"So he's not sure.  That means he's not sure, okay?  I think he's
the best judge of whether he can or not, don't you think?"  The look
Debbie gave her said No, but she ignored it.  "Besides, you don't even
know where it is, do you?"
	"Mike does," Debbie replied.
	Kathy considered for a moment.  "You said Mike knows, which means
you don't yet.  Is that because Mike is gonna wait until Tucker NEEDS
help, and WANTS help, before sending any?"
	Debbie expelled something between a sigh and a growl.	"Do you
always have to be so damned logical?" she finally remarked.
	Kathy shrugged.  "Pretty much, yeah."
	"So what do I do?" Debbie begged.
     Kathy shrugged again.  "Just talk to him or whatever as often as
you can, and, I dunno.  Just wait and see, I guess."
     Debbie was silent for a moment, and Kathy could see her worrying
her lip.	"But it's so hard," she finally admitted softly.
	"I know," Kathy agreed.  "But it's the only thing you can really
do right now, if you REALLY care for him."  She watched carefully to see
if Debbie would violently disagree with Kathy's words, but she didn't.
*Knew it.*

	Charlie could hardly believe it.  Not only were Jane and Marie
showing every signs of enjoying lunch, but so was he, when he forgot who
had made it.  Valerie had cooked everything that should normally be
cooked, and it was decent, though not quite up to Marie's standard.

	Mike bowed to Dan, then assumed the proper starting position which
he couldn't remember the name of.  "So," Dan remarked, "Tuck say
anything?  It's been what, four days?"
	Mike counted.	"Yeah, about."  Dan swiped at him with the shinai,
and Mike blocked it easily.  "He said he wasn't sure yet.  He sounded
better about it yesterday than he did last night.  I dunno."  Mike tried
a feint-and-lunge, and Dan ducked sideways, but Mike was off-balance
enough he couldn't continue the attack.
	"You know where he is, right?"
	"Sort of.  He told me the post office, and I looked that up, but
I'm not quite sure where his meat body is."  His consciousness was most
likely in the Net, whether he was online or not.	A flurry of blows
didn't get through his guard, but the attack was hard enough he couldn't
get through it.  "Somewhere up there, anyway."
	"So what do we do?"
	"Wait.  He's got enough freedom of action to call us if he needs
us, and I don't want to do anything before that."  Mike launched a
series of blows that finally ended up with his shinai smacking Dan's
helmet.
	"Oooh, hit.  Kill.  How long will it take to drive up there?" Dan
asked, backing off and bowing.
	"Maybe twenty-four hours.  Something like that.  It'll take a
while, but I figure if we can drive in shifts, we can make it without
really stopping."  Stops for fast food and gas were mandatory.  The
people could go for several days on what they carried, but his car
sucked gas like any 70's hog.  Besides, MRE's were more expensive than
McDonald's, even, and not to be used unless absolutely necessary.
	Dan lashed at him and he just managed to duck under it.  "So,
twenty-four up and twenty-four back?"
	"Yeah," Mike replied before attempting his own lunge.  Miss.  "And
I don't want to take off for two days without some reason for it.  Not
to mention the gas costs."  Rescuing his blood brother from a Fate Worse
Than Death was one thing; just going up for a visit was another.
	Dan tried a full fledged rush and Mike slipped in past his guard
and stabbed him in the heart.  "Oooh, kill," Mike grinned.  Dan just
grunted.

	Tucker sighed.  He'd been practicing the ultra-femme postures for
hours under Jane's directions, and he was tired of it.  "Jane, it's
three o'clock," he mentioned, "may I go up and change for my exercise
now?"  *Oh please, oh please,* he psychically begged.
	Jane checked her own watch, then nodded.  "Until five thirty," she
reminded him.
	"Thank you Jane!" he said with real relief, and remembered to
curtsy and smile before he took off for the stairs.

	Charlie's head came up and he heard a voice calling to him.
Shaking the water out of his eyes, he saw Marie at the French doors, and
guessed what she had just said.  "Thank you, Marie, I'll go up and
change."  She nodded and shut the doors.
	"Another day in paradise," he muttered, swimming to the stairs.
"Not."

	Tucker was doing something he vaguely identified - from figure
skating on television - as a reverse camel when the front door opened.
"Dinner will be ready in-  What are you doing?" Marie asked.
	"Huh?  Rollerblading," he replied.
	"Where did you get them?" she asked.

	Charlie wondered where Marie was when he came downstairs, but when
he checked the kitchen, she wasn't there.  Dinner was, though, and some
of it needed stirring badly.	He started in on it, and dimly realized a
few minutes later that this was another one of those little tests Jane
kept throwing at him.  He sighed.	"Don't you think this is getting a
little old by now?" he asked the absent Jane, but kept his voice down in
case she really was watching him.
	Then he remembered that an apron would probably save him another
lecture on keeping his clothes neat.

	Jane came downstairs, a little weary, both from her normal business
and trying to find another student to replace Valerie.  It wasn't so
much that the girl had to leave - though Jane kept wondering if maybe
sending Valerie back to her home wouldn't have been the best overall
solution - but that Charlene was not going to be receiving the proper
portion of the 'big sister' part of Jane's program.  And Valerie, once
they had hammered out that agreement yesterday, was not going to be
sufficient motivation for any of them.
	Besides, she had to admit, Jane missed having someone who was
actually intimidated by her program.

	Charlene was just transferring the fish from the broiling pan to
the serving platter when Jane came into the kitchen.  "Hello, Jane,"
Charlie said, not curtsying because his hands were occupied.
	"Hello, Charlene," she said, looking around.  "Are you helping
Marie?" she asked, sounding a little surprised.
	"Um, no, she just left everything like this, so I thought..."  He
wasn't quite sure what he'd figured, but he knew he didn't want to
mention his suspicions to Jane.  Paranoia, apparently, wasn't ladylike.

	The rear of the house having offered no clues, Jane opened the
front door to find a grinning Valerie walking backwards and leading a
flushed and armored Marie around in a large circle.  When Valerie saw
Jane, she pushed Marie to a stop, and waved.  "Hi Jane!" she called.
Marie tried to turn to see behind her and almost fell.

	Marie felt extremely embarrassed about forgetting that dinner was
cooking, but she couldn't help the excited feeling she had gotten from
the skating.  "I'm so sorry, Jane, I just got caught up and forgot
entirely about dinner-"
	Jane smiled at her, though there was a hint of something else in
her expression.  "That's alright, Marie.  Charlene caught on and
finished cooking, so we will at least be having dinner tonight without
having to resort to take-out."
	Marie winced at the magnitude of her error.

	Tucker took a quick shower and changed for dinner.  *Third time
today,* he realized with a sigh as he sat in front of the makeup table.
*This is getting old.  And I need some more casual clothes.  These are
starting to reek.*

	Jane was going to say something to Valerie about promptness, but
then realized that Marie, deliberately or not, had actually been at
least a large part, if not the cause, of having to wait for dinner.  And
Jane, while strict, didn't want to chastise Marie for having a bit of
fun.  Especially not in front of her charges.

	Dinner was almost casual, Charlie realized about halfway through.
Jane, while never letting up on the correction of manners, had almost a
relaxed air about her, instead of the intense study or amused sadism he
was more used to.  And the conversation had been relatively normal, if
one considered discussion of world events and finance to be normal
dinner conversation.  It was obvious that Valerie didn't, and Charlie
had a sneaking suspicion that, whatever else the brat had gotten herself
into, she was going to be studying the newspapers with him every day.

	"Urrrrr," Tucker said to himself as he dragged his tired and
battered body upstairs.	He was overdue for some aspirin, and the little
sleep he was getting wasn't enough.  At least he'd remembered to ask
Marie to bring in some Mountain Dew when she went to the store next.	It
was a good thing she was planning to go tomorrow, because Tucker had
exactly one coke left in his satchel, and his Vivarin stash was
seriously depleted.  *I think I begin to see the attraction of meth in
these circumstances,* he thought to himself as he opened the door.  One
more shower, and one more change of clothes, and then he could sleep.
	At least until the latest nightmare woke him up.
 
Copyright 1997-1999 Ellen Hayes, all rights reserved